


come back

by orphan_account



Category: Banana Bus Squad
Genre: Angst, Character Death, Heavy Angst, Implied/Referenced Suicide
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-01
Updated: 2018-03-01
Packaged: 2019-03-25 17:42:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 556
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13839798
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: you used to be there; what changed? what did i do?





	come back

**Author's Note:**

> i guess this is a vent..i wrote the feelings and thoughts and wishes that I've been having for the past few months in this post
> 
> trigger warning for suicidal thoughts and implied suicide.
> 
> if you ever feel alone, please reach out to someone, don't do this by yourself. there are people that care about you. stay strong♡

(you're so stupid.  
why can't you just shut up and stop bothering people? nobody cares, just stop.  
you see how they look at you, they hate you. they pity you. leave them alone. let them live in a better world; a world without you.)

 

i wish i was different. i wish i was goodlooking. i wish i was skinny. i wish i was funny, sweet, caring. i wish people liked me. i wish i met the standards. i wish people liked me. i wish you liked me.

(jesus christ, you always do this. just stop it.)

don't let them see how bad you are getting, don't let them see the questions running inside your head.  
should i just go away?  
everything would be easier then.  
.  
they would be happy; i wouldn't be there to annoy them with my stupidity and insecurity. i wouldn't be there to tell them some fucked up thing about me; they wouldn' look at me like i'm a freak.  
my family would be happier. they wouldn't have me to disappoint them constantly. they could have the nice family dinners, family trips.  
.  
i wish i wasn't alive. i wish i didn't hate myself. i wish i didn't spend my nights crying. i wish i could stop hurting myself. i wish i could stop crying but it's too far gone now. i wish you were still here.  
.  
please don't do this to me. you break me bit by bit whenever you ignore me, whenever you look at me like i'm a freak, like i'm not worth your time. everybody is much more important than me, i understand that. but you have no idea how much it hurts when you silently judge me. i wish you knew how much i value our friendship, how much i value you. i wish you cared about me.  
.  
you did, once. but something changed and i don't know what. i don't know what to do to fix it. i wish i could tell you, but all you will tell me is to stop it, to stop making things up. i wish you still loved me.  
.  
i wish you knew how scared i am, i wish you knew how much i need things to go back to how they were. when you cared about me and didn't mind spending time with me. i wish you still invited me to hangout. i wish you still talked to me outside of recording.  
please don't do this to me, don't make me feel like this. don't make fun of me, don't ignore me, don't shove me away. don't hate me. i wish you didn't hate me.  
.  
i wish you were still here. i feel so alone, i'm so scared of the things i might do to myself. please don't do this to me.  
.  
come back. what changed? did i do something? you used to hug me and the hugs made me feel happy, made me feel loved.  
i know i annoy you with my insecurity, with my wishes to please everyone. you tell me to get over it, but i can't. i wish you understood me a little bit.  
.  
.  
.  
.  
come back. bring me back. because i don't think i can take this anymore. i think this is my end. i guess i found a way to get over it.  
i love you, goodbye.

**Author's Note:**

> i guess this is a part two of my previous smitty story. this is kind of like the bad ending of the happy one.  
> ;vent;


End file.
